7 weeks, 4 days

Just a mini update!
I decided to see my regular OB and scheduled an appointment last week. I wanted to first talk to him about my decision for a VBAC rather than assume he won't do it.
He did say that he performs a handful of them each year, went through the pros and cons with me and let me know I would just have to sign a consent form. I decided I would stay with him but I am considering getting a Doula as I think my chances for a successful VBAC would be greater if I had the right support. I will post more on this at a later date.

Now for the fun part, Meet little "Cookie"!

It was so much easier finding this one than it was my Ducky. Not getting an ultrasound at just under 5 weeks probably helped. The technician just pop the old robot stick in me and withing seconds I was going "Oh there it is!! and there is the heartbeat!!" (Yep I'm a pro at this now)

I did confuse the yolk sac for the head though, so I still have some learning to do. :)



I tried showing my little guy that it was his baby brother or sister on the screen. He did look but definiely didn't understand what I was telling him. Should have said something to him more along the lines of "Hey that is the new kid that is going to just through your world upside down" LOL.

I do hope my kids are close though, it would be nice. I'm not a big fan of my own brother but I get along with my sisters well. So who knows?

We are planning on telling my mom and some family Christmas Day. I will be 8 weeks. We will also be skyping Christmas morning with DH's mom and other members of the houshold to let them know. We have a really big issue with DH's family right now which makes this such a strained time to announce something like this but in a strange way it will help keep our "cover" on the issue untill it's time to address it.

For now I just want to wish all my readers a very MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happily Crumbling on,
 ~JD

New Wombmate! Baby #2!

Yep you read that right.
I am pregnant...again!

I don't even know how and I can tell you it wasn't planned at all.

Ok, so unlike my first TTC adventure, I wasn't doing nearly half the stuff that I was doing for my little ducky. Right around Henry's 8 month or so, DH and I stop using condoms since we figured what's the point? took a while the first time anyways.
I've used my FF app to track my periods and occasionally when we DTD. That is literally all I've been doing. No BBT, no OPT's, no pre-seed, no soy..zip..nada.
Also our sex life is definitely not what it was like before we had Henry. This past month I can tell you we had sex exactly twice. Once on CD10 and the other on CD23.
I still can't figure it out.

I started getting suspicious when my period was literally due in the next day or so and my breast were feeling very tender still. By now the tenderness would have subsided. I have only had constant breast soreness once before and that was during my 1st pregnancy.
I was going to wait a bit longer to be sure but I couldn't help myself. Away to CVS I flew! this time I did not lock myself out of the house :)

This was Monday. Monday night I decorated a Christmas cookie for DH that said "I'm Preggo!" While we sat and watched our Christmas tree and drank our hot chocolate, I gave him his cookie.
His reaction you ask? laughter...a lot of laughter. From both of us. It was a mix of "how in the world?" laughter and "omg how are we going to do this?" laughter.
We are for the record over the moon with joy. It still hasn't fully set in that we will be having 2 kids only 2 years apart. Yes, I am incredibly nervous too.

I'm switching OB's yet again for many reasons but mostly because I want to delivery at a different hospital and I would like an OB who supports VBACS. I have my first appointment on Jan 6th. I'll be about 8 weeks along or so. It feels like forever away! I hope I don't go nuts, lol.

All I have to say is take that RE!! (because I know you like totally read my blog)

Our little "cookie" according to my app is due Aug 2015.

Happily Crumbling On,
     ~JD


*Trigger*
I want to just update my readers real quick. On Nov 4th, 2014 we lost our puppy Jack to his cancer. He was our first puppy and first real pet loss. I can not begin to describe how painful the decision was to let him go but he was not himself anymore. He never showed he was in pain, not until that last day with him when we knew it was time. I will always miss you my sweet baby boy. May you rest in peace until the day we meet again on the Rainbow Bridge.

Tuesday Wednesday break my heart...

I love Autumn don't you?
My husband and I often talk about moving to San Francisco. I don't really remember where it started but I have always dreamed of moving to the city by the bay. As I get older I often wonder if I could really trade my East coast roots for the West.
This would mean trading in beautiful changing fall leaves and snowy Christmases. Their is something so magical about being able to experience the four seasons, how does one let that go I wonder?

I know this is a rather strange way to start a post but I've been a bit melancholy these days and I find myself lost in though constantly.
My baby boy is doing wonderfully. He amazes me so. He is so fiercely independent, loves the outdoors and explores everything and anything. Sometimes I wish he would cuddle more with me but I wouldn't trade any of his growing talents for it. He also makes me laugh..all..the..time.
Coming home is such a joy since he always comes running to meet me at the gate when he hears the door open. I joke and call him our third puppy since all three of them greet me with so much enthusiasm it's hard not to laugh.

I wish more and more these days that I could take DH and my little duck far away and just start fresh.
I know I'm living life half heartily and wish to no end that I could snap out of it.
I wish I could talk about the issues DH and I are having but since they have yet to really be resolved I can't.
My marriage is fine, DH and I more than ever have realized we are a team and we are all we have to get through the tough times.
I wish someone could explain to me why this world is so messed up sometimes. I used to take great pride in the fact that I was the girl who always "saw the sun through the dark clouds". My heart breaks for the incredibly horrible situation my DH is going through. I hate seeing my loved ones so hurt.

Aside from what can't be talked about, we learned last month that our oldest puppy was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Let's just say I have never agreed more so than I do now with the saying "when it rains, it pours. Due to the fact that chemo treatments are insanely pricey, we have decided to forgo treatment. That decision did not come lightly as we even had Credit Care increase our borrowing limit. The treatment we were attempting to do would have cost 4k, this is without the testing costs which tacked on another 2k (mind you we did the testing). This might have given us another 6-12 months of life but once out of remission then we would have to pay for another 6k all over again. What is really crazy is that this wasn't even the best chemo treatment, the best one cost about 11k! I just can't get into the logistics of this. I'm so done overthinking everything.

My puppy Jack is barely eight years old. I have no eloquent way of stating my feelings other than this really sucks.
He is currently on prednisone to help fight the lymph cells. I also have him on a special raw food diet I make him to help nourish his body with plenty of fats and proteins while at the same time starving out the cancer cells by eliminating things they thrive on (complex sugars for one). We are just taking it one day at a time and enjoying whatever time we have left. I know he will tell us when he can't go on anymore. My heart hurts thinking about this but I know we are doing the right thing. I just wish I could convince myself of that.

This post is going to seem very confusing and it is not intended as a "woe is me" post. I've realized over the past months that having no one else to talk to other than DH about these things has really taken a toll on me. I just wanted to let it all out as best as I could. When I was in H.S. I kept a diary. I wrote in it often. I also use to write short stories and poetry. I didn't do it with hopes of being a world renowned writer one day. I did it because that's just how I processed the world around me and the experiences that I had. When we moved during the second half of my senior year I lost my diary. I deeply regret losing that diary as it was one of my most treasured possessions. Ever since then I stopped writing. It wasn't until I started this blog that I began to write on my own free will again which is why I turned to it today.

I will eventually go back to coherent writing. I will eventually feel good again. In the meantime thank you for reading my post. I appreciate you allowing me to send my thoughts out to the infinite space known as the web.

Quaking on,
  ~JD



If I could save time in a bottle...

Hi Folks!

Can I be cliché for a moment and say “where has this year gone?”  

Seriously, I can’t figure it out. I was happily sitting on my couch last year at this time watching Rachel Ray with a baby on my boob. Now somehow my little baby is considered a toddler?? When did that happen? Did you know the BabyCenter app ends after 1 year? Every day I would get all kinds of updates and milestones to look for, etc. Then the kid turns one and the app just goes “Good luck, you’re on your own now.” I feel some abandoning issues coming on.

Life with a toddler is a whole new ball game. He isn’t completely walking on his own yet but he is ALL OVER THE PLACE! I need to move soon, our apartment feels too small these days. He has more clothes than I know what to do with but somehow manages to grow out of them before my wallet can replenish itself. And the toys, don’t get me started on the toys.

He is such a little hoot and a joy to watch grow. It’s a bittersweet process since part of me wants him to be a squishy little newborn again and the other part wants to see him grow & learn.

Things he can do currently=Fast crawler, claps, waves bye bye (said it once!), says "Mama" and "Dada", dances, gives high fives, stands on his own, crusies furniture with ease. Took about 9 steps on his own and throws tantrums among many other things. He is also growing up bilingual so more words probably won't come along for a little while longer.

We had his 1 year doctor’s appointment. He is currently at 31inches and 25lbs, thus leaving him in about the 85 percentile for both height and weight for his age.


If any of you are wondering what the future may bring, DH and I have not fully decided what we would like. We know we would like more children and close in age is a plus however I have not reverted to my old ways yet. Perhaps I have accepted that I’m ok if it’s just Henry. We are not preventing at this point yet I am NOT tracking anything, timing anything or taking anything. I believe that is called actively trying to conceive (ATTC). I don’t know if I will do that again. I get a touch of baby fever from time to time but it’s not like before. I will be honest with you, I like this state of calmness I’m under. There were times when we were ATTC that I just felt angry all the time. I don’t know how women who go through infertility for years do it. Looking back now, 15 months wasn’t too long of a time (even though it felt like an eternity).  I guess I’m just going to take things as naturally as possible.

One last side note, my DH has finished his Masters in teaching and has passed his certification (Yay!) I’m so proud and excited for this next stage in his life. He is an amazing husband, friend and father. Henry and I are so lucky to have him!

 

Happily Quacking on,

~JD

 

 



 

Give a little bit....

It's that time of the year again. You know, when its not even Thanksgiving yet and Christmas is everywhere? And of course I'm ready to explode with Christmas cheer everywhere because I am its #1 fan :)

Falalalala..lala..la..la

 
Now onto the point of my post. I've done quite a bit of thinking recently and I told my husband that in lieu of my Christmas gift this year, I want him to take the funds he would have spent and donate it to a charity of my choice.

Now let me clarify. I'm not trying to achieve saint-hood or win most humanitarian of the year award so I hope none of you rolled your eyes at me just now. I highly enjoy receiving gifts as I do giving them.

I'm simply trying to fulfill a very real life goal of mine; to just be a decent human being. I feel like this can be achieved by being a good example to my son and genuinely wanting to help people in need any way I can.

 I don't make a lot of money but our basic needs are met. I am currently living in a 1 bedroom apartment (which is slowly starting to feel a lot smaller) and supporting my DH through his last semester of completing his master's in teaching. This being said, I want for nothing and because of this I feel I have plenty to give.

 
I have such a big issue with gifts and certain sides of our families around this time. I'm just sick and tired of losing enjoyment from my beloved holiday over worrying about how many gifts I have to buy this year. Call this an ulterior motive if you will, but I want the real magic of this holiday back.

 
Well thankfully my DH thought this was a fantastic idea and decided to follow in my footsteps (love him!). Come Christmas morning he'll be getting a card from me filled with mushy love sonnets about how I adore his very essence. Maybe even a naughty picture or two ;)
However, I don’t want to stop just there, I want to do more. So as part of my donation present I also plan to not turn down ANY requests for donations from here till at the very least end of the year. Whatever I have I will give. For example, today McDonalds asked if I wanted to give a dollar donation and I said “of course!”

 
I normally don't turn down these requests but I'll admit I have said no a few times.
So Santa's, pet shelters, charity drives, girl scouts, etc. beware! I'm coming for you! J

 
Please feel free to share with me your Christmas plans, favorite charities or other ways my soul can continue on giving.

 
Humbly quaking on,
~JD

 

5 months and lumpy!

How in the world are their mom's out there who find the time (and energy) to exercise? Are you all some sort of advance human species put on this planet to mock me? LOL

I lost all the baby weight so that is a plus. Anyone out there in cyber land have any good workout regiments? I need to get back on track before the holidays makes this worse.

Ok, tiny rant over.

So life with my tiny, precious, ever-changing little man is more wonderful than I have words for, I truly love being a mom. Being a working mom makes me appreciate every single second I get with him but I love the fact that my son gets to spend so much time with his Daddy. My DH is an excellent father. He has step up to the plate in ways that truly break down these stereotypical gender roles placed by our society. Even though Henry lights up when he sees me, the way he looks and plays with DH is entirely different than what we have.

As an incredibly squishy little thing, I can't complain. Henry's temperament is just set to sweet. New environments, noises and people do not upset him. He loves children and senior citizens with wrinkly faces (laughs up a storm!)

My mom tells me he reminds her of me in personality when I was his age. The looks department is a different story. If I didn't have him inside of me for 9 months I would ask for a DNA test.

Isn't he adorable? Not like I'm bias or anything :)
I hope he keeps those big blue eyes...totally not Mommy's eyes.

Sleeping for the most part is going well, he can sleep through the night but has been congested these past few nights and I believe he is teething so multiple waking’s are currently happening.

Milestones so far...

·         I have seen him roll over from belly to back 3x in one day. Hasn't happened again.

·         I know he can roll from back to belly since I found him on his belly one morning in the crib.

·         Can sit up WITH assistance

·         And earned his PhD last week! :P

Honestly he is on a normal track and I don't worry about every little thing he is or isn't doing. Our pediatrician says he looks great and I'm good with that.

He just started rice cereal recently; the pediatrician recommended it for practice as she wants us to start solids at 6 months. He did great and absolutely LOVED it! Today we move onto oatmeal and then barley. I've decided to give him his first solid on Thanksgiving. He will be enjoying sweet potatoes a-la Mommy style with the rest of us. Can't wait to start pureeing!

Nomm Nomm Nomm :)

 

Deliciously Quaking On,
~JD

Goodbye Summer!

Hello All!

My summer "vacation" has finally come to an end since this last week I officially returned back to work. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do since I could not bear to be parted from my baby boy. The only solace I take with me is that his Daddy will be taking care of him part time (3 days a week) until January. Since we are both off on weekends this means that he will only be with my sister's nanny 2 times a week. My mom is a single mother and always worked constantly while we were growing up that it is important to me that Henry have as much time as possible with us as his caregivers.

Well aside from that, my little man is 3 months old today! the time has seriously just flown by. Their isn't a day that doesn't go by I don't thank God for this little guy. I hope to one day give him a little brother or sister but if he is meant to be my only one I am perfectly ok with that. DH and I are in no hurry to try again soon, we will more than likely re-visit that subject when he is 1 or 2 years old.
Motherhood is definitely what I expected and more. I am tired constantly but somehow have learned to live my life with very little sleep. I was always a naturally lazy person and motherhood has definitely changed my energy levels around. I'm always pushing my body to keep moving.

Henry is a wonderful, sweet and happy baby boy. Cries only when he wants something. Never went through a colicky phase (thank God!) and for the most part is a good sleeper. He will sleep long stretches at night, waking only once maybe twice for a feeding. He has on occasion had an 8-10hr stretch but nothing consistent at this point. As far as milestones go he has not rolled over or given a good "real" laugh yet but he smiles/coos often, clasps his hands together and is starting to want to reach for objects. He also does really well keeping himself sitting up in his infant support chair (not the bumbo). We like the chair the best for building his neck muscles since he hates tummy time so much.

 

At his 2 month appointment he weighed in at 13lbs 12oz and was 24 inches. I'm sure he is closer to 15lbs by now, lol.

 

Thanks for checking in on us!

(I apologize for any misspelling/grammar issues, its past my bedtime)

 

Quacking tiredly/happily on,

~JD

 

 





My little guy is here!

It's been almost two months since I've posted! I apologize, after the baby shower I became a bit lazy and now I just haven't had a moment to myself to update my blog, lol

My Birth Story

At 39 weeks 4 days I set a date to have an induction done for June 3. My regular OBGYN did not want me past 40 weeks due to Lil Ducky's size, my gestational diabetes and his SUA issues. Since I was not dilated and my cervix was still very closed and high he did warn me my C-section rate was a 60-70% chance.
I had an ultrasound appointment the next day with the high risk office where it was determine that he was measuring over 9lbs. My high risk OBGYN did not feel that an induction was appropriate and could potentially put the baby and I at higher risk for complications. Both my doctor's felt it was in our better interest to have a scheduled C-section. After much talking and debating I decided to go ahead with the C-section. I grieved the loss of losing my natural birth plan and moved forward, excited to finally be meeting my little guy. 
C-sections are incredibly strange and I will tell you that if it wasn't for having my DH there my anxiety levels would have gone through the roof! I was laid out on the table as if I was on a cross and I just remember feeling shoved around for a bit by the doctor's while they made small talk over God knows what. I just stayed talking with DH the whole time. 
Suddenly I felt a huge amount of pressure like someone had sat on my chest and then I heard my baby boy! I can't begin to describe how amazing it was to hear him.
They cleaned him up  and gave him to DH. He was so quiet just staring at up at us and I remember just being in complete awe of this little stranger. 

My sweet boy Henry. He weighed 9lbs 4oz. <3

Here is my little guy at one week old.

We are all doing very well. Henry is such a good baby and I am enjoying every minute of being a new mommy! I enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy, even the last month that I was so uncomfortable & irritable all the time, lol. My journey has ended but OUR journey as a family has just begun.
Thank you everyone for the support you have lend me along the way. I will continue to keep my blog updated and I look forward to some of my favorite bloggers getting their chance to fulfill the dream of motherhood as well. 

Very Happily Quaking On,
 ~JD

Tick Tock..

Hello Cyber land!
I wanted to pop in and give a quick update. 35 weeks and 4 days today. I can't believe how little time I have left. No words can express how anxious and excited I am to meet this little guy. I'm not completely set-up by any means so he can take his time getting here but I am ready to meet him :)
We had our baby shower on Sunday. It was nothing short of overwhelming to say the least (in a good way).
We were so blessed to have so many friends and family show up (it was co-ed) and my living room is proof of the generosity from all our guests. This kid has more stuff than I do!
I can't wait to finish sorting & cleaning all his stuff. I think I'm finally nesting (about time!) and I just can't focus anymore at work. I have two more weeks left before I leave and I'm counting down the seconds, lol.
Lil Ducky is doing well. He was 6lbs at my 34 weeks and 5 day ultrasound, putting him in the 73 percentile. He is going to be a big boy and it’s not coming from me. I can thank his 6ft father for that, lol.
I still have a Lamaze class coming up this weekend and a meet and greet with Ducky's future pediatrician. After that it’s all just a waiting game...

Thank you ladies for all the support I've received throughout this journey. Every one of you is a mother of the heart and I hope that I can lend that same support back to you to get you to this point in your journey when the time comes. When it comes down to issues of infertility nothing keeps someone going like an uplifting community who understand every fustrating feeling. You all are just incredible women.

Quaking on,

~JD

32 weeks and he has a face!

I turned 32 weeks on Saturday! Woohoo!
This means I'm 8 weeks away from my due date and 6 weeks away from my last day at work (cannot freakin wait!). This month I'm working 3 weekends in a row (on top of my normal M-F) and the last weeked is my baby shower. I'm going to be exhaused but I'm hoping that will only make the time go by faster, lol (glass half full kind of outlook).
Last thursday I had a growth ultrasound. Baby boy is contiunally doing fantastic and is 4lbs 3oz. He is only a couple days ahead now so I'm hoping he gains weight nice and slow as I fear having a big baby will make my doctor push a c-section. So far even with GD and SUA the C word has not been mentioned as I'm assuming baby boy is doing great and so am I.
Since changing my nutrition around I have lost 4lbs which means I've only gain 6lbs during this pregancy, unbelieveable as I feel enourmous. Starting as a bigger girl at 220 lbs (I tend to not look it since I have very large breasts) my goal was simply not to gain more than 25lbs. So happy to have that working out so far.
The technician was also able to get a 3D picture too! It's terrible and blurry but for a moment I saw his face! his beautiful, blurry little face :)

He looks like he is resting peacefully in there. At the begining of the ultrasound the first thing out of the techincians mouth was "ahh look, he has lots of hair!" She showed me all these little tiny squiggly lines coming off of his head, so cute! And for all those curious, no I did not have a huge hearburn issue. At best it hit 2-3 times and thats it. So the myth has been debunked!


I'm pretty confident he is going to have my hair (at least the quantity). DH was a pretty bald headed baby but I was born a wolf. Here is a picture of me barely 3 weeks old. I was a full term, way past my due baby and my mom had my ears pieced at only a few days old (just in case anybody thinks I don't look like a newborn here, lol)

Hehe...I wish I had this kind of volume now!

I'll have to post a picture of my DH so you guys can try to figure out what my little guy is going to look like!

Quaking on

~JD