New Year, New Doctor!

I have an appointment set-up with a new OB January 7th, 2013!
He comes recommended through my Bosses wife’s colleague. They are nurses at the hospital I plan to deliver.
I'm really hoping this will be it! His staff, so far have been so nice with me and they answer their phones right away. A great change from a horrible staff at my previous practice that will leave you on hold for 30-45 minutes! I hope if the receptionist are good, then hopefully the rest of the staff will be too.
I'm currently 16.1 weeks. I'll be exactly 20 weeks for my appointment which means they will more than likely schedule me for an anatomy scan pretty quickly afterwards.
The good news is that my DH and I have decided to do an elective ultrasound this Friday. I don't care about the sex, I wanted to go Team Green to begin with but I caved because hubby really wants to know and since I’ve known him he rarely asks for anything. I'll just be happy to see my little Ducky again!
We did compromise a little on this ultrasound. Our technician will be writing the sex down on paper and placing it in an envelope. DH can read what the sex is when I'm not around him and will get to know what the baby is for a few days only because he has some shopping to do!
Come Christmas morning he has been instructed to leave a present for me under the tree from Santa that will hold a present inside that will clearly indicate if we are having a boy or girl. This way he gets what he wants and I still get a surprise, so to speak :)
I have also THREATEN him that no matter what anyone does to him, no one gets to know the sex of the baby before I do.
It's a good thing he only has to keep the secret for 3 days, lol
Can't wait! <3

A message for my readers...

I want to take a time out from my pregnancy postings to remember why I'm here.
I started this blog as a way to openly talk about infertility and reach out to other women about the struggles infertility comes with. I had no idea that 2 months down the road I would be experiencing my first pregnancy.

I know how terribly blessed I am and thank God for this miracle profusely.

I get scared like many first time mom’s (FTM)  do that this might all be taken away in a blink of an eye but I know for my baby's sake that I cannot live in that kind of fear.
I want those who are still struggling with infertility or have recently suffered a loss to know that I am so sorry for this emotionally (and physically) troubling time in your lives right now. I still want to be a source of encouragement, support and information for those still waiting on their special day, however I can understand if my current pregnancy updates are too much for you as well. I take no hurt if you decide to un-follow me, I understand completely.

I found an old college photo album recently that had a little quote from a poem most of you might be familiar with. I remember I choose that poem because I was having a hard time my first year in college and I came close to leaving. I won't lie, it took about 7 years to finally obtain my Bachelor’s degree and I cannot begin to describe to you how I felt the day I held my real diploma in my hands. I am actually now a Financial Aid Counselor for a private University. All I can say is that life definitely has a way of coming full circle.

I want to leave you with the poem that echo with me for a long time. It's not a cure and I don't expect that I will miraculously relieve you of all your pain. I just hope that for those of you with the dream of motherhood, it helps you to carry on even through the pain.
God Bless you all through this journey.  ~JD

When Things Go Wrong

by Anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit



OB, you can suck my big fat D*&#K!!!

A bit harsh? maybe but I seriously dislike my OB.
I'm considering changing but I don't even know where to start. I started at this clinic because my Aunt recommended her to me. My Aunt is a no-nonsense, in-depth researcher kind-of-gal so I have no idea why she goes to this lady!
I had a regular OB check up with my actual OB yesterday. I usually see the PA on staff because my OB doesn't have flexible hours. Well she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler which just made me feel great (insert eye-roll) so she sent me for an ultrasound.
The technician who was with me was super sweet and friendly (they do exist!) so I couldn't be more grateful to have her with me.
She didn't say anything at first (bad thoughts start forming, naturally).
Then she starts chuckling and says "I'm having a hard time getting the baby's heartbeat because it's moving too much!"
My baby is moving too much?! Can't be MY baby! My baby wouldn't even wake up after 45 minutes of extreme jiggling at the NT scan!
She flips the monitor over and there is little Ducky just flopping away having a grand 'ole time. Heart rate is 143bpm. Biggest sigh of relief left my body and then I just watched this beautiful little creature dance its heart out for a few more minutes. It was quite a sight. Really wish my DH was there today too! He is always surprised I get sent to ultrasounds on my visits. Poor thing is always missing out.

Back to my OB rant. Seriously, every time I even decide to ask a question I feel I get attitude. Lady, don't ask me if I have questions if you don't want to answer them! I have really good health insurance that I work hard for and all I ask is that you treat me like a human being. Is that really so much to ask?
I also asked if I could have Zofran for my all day nausea. Every time I've told the PA that my nausea is getting worse she always offers me the Zofran but I usually turn it down. The one time I ask for it, my OB says they don't recommend Zofran unless it’s absolutely necessary (all day vomiting is my guess). Fine I get that but lady you and your PA need to be on the same page, don't look at me like I'm crazy for even asking.
In the end she said I can give you a few if you feel it’s absolutely necessary but after the ultrasound she was nowhere to be found and forgot about me. I always feel forgotten in that office. I left a message for the nurse one day because I was worried about measuring behind.
She never got back to me.
I am at my wits end here, I really am....
I just want my baby to be fully gestated already so I can take it home and not have to deal with these people.
Is it June yet?

Quaking on,

~JD