Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A Girl, A Dream and her Soy Isoflavones

Hello all in Cyberland!
So were did we leave off?
Ah yes, Cycle # 15.
Currently I am on CD7 and decided that this month I would be courageous and try Soy Isoflavones. After much research and internal debate I decided at least 1 round of this would be the most I would be willing to try. They are not technically recommend for those who ovulate on their own however many women still take them who do. Especially those who ovulate later in the month and want to move up there ovulation date (
Soy Isoflavones are considered a "natural" form of the drug called Clomid which is an ovulation inducing drug. You take them for 5 days in your cycle. You can do CD 1-5, 3-7 or 5-9.
Taking them starting the day after CD 5 is not recommend as it can harm more than help your fertility. Those who take Soy Isoflavones early (CD 1-5) usually ovulate earlier and have higher chances for multiple eggs to be released. CD5-9 tend to produce a stonger more mature egg and those doing it CD3-7 get a bit of both worlds. I have opted to take Soy Isoflavones during CD 3-7. Today is my last day, woohoo!
Now my hope is to produce a nice strong mature egg since I clearly produced no egg last month. I have heard many sucess stories for those who used Soy Isoflavones so I am really hoping this is my month.
I will be put on Clomid in December for my IUI (if it gets to that point) so why not try this out?
My dosage so far has been 80mg, 120mg, 120mg, 160mg and today will be 200mg. I have read by increasing the dosage towards the end it will force out ovulation. However anyone can play with the dosage, some recommend you start out with 80mg for all 5 days. Try what works for you.
I have held off as long as I could with feritility type drugs for one reason and one reason alone.
I get it, their cute and everyone gets excited for it but I'll be honest with you.....not for me.
Most people don't get it, its 2! twice the joy, love and all that good stuff but also...twice the crying, feeding, diapers, lack of sleep, etc....
If it happens, it happens but no one can say I didn't hold out long enough to make sure it doesn't happen.

As for side effects, I can't complain. I take them after I have eaten so I don't experience much. I've had 1 or 2 mini hotflashes and had a little bit of a headache the other night but that is pretty much it. I have notice a little bit of a rash on my neck. It isn't severve but I can't be sure if its related to the Soy Iso's.

In 3 days time I will be starting with my OPK's again and getting "busy", can't wait!!!

Quacking on,

Friday, August 24, 2012

Pregnant for a day..

Last Tuesday I experienced my very first evaporation line on a pregnancy test. For those of you who do not know what this is I'll explain. It is a HORRIBLE, CRUEL JOKE! It is a super faint line that appears on a pregnancy test that is almost greyish in color. I immediately rushed over to the "Tweakers Board" a board on the Baby Center forums that is dedicated to taking your tests and "tweaking" them to see if in fact you really are seeing a line on the test or not. You see there are some of us (ahem..MANY of us) that stare at these tests until we go crosseyed for even the faintest of lines that would give us hope. A lot of these test are faint because we test 9dpo early. Most sane people, pregnancy boxes and websites will tell you not to test until the first day of your missed period...but we are not sane now are we?
They "tweaked" it. It was beautiful. Everyone was convinced it was a real BFP.

The point of this short little post of mine is that even though I managed to keep myself level-headed (shock!) I won't lie, I was in a state of blissful and utter happiness. I was singing while cooking, catering to the needs of my husband and every now and again rubing my belly. I drove extra careful on my way home, I turned on my Pandora station to Brad Paisley and what was the first song? "Anything like me"....I love this song so freaking much it hurts to listen to it sometimes.
So it is no surprise that later that night and the next morning when I tested again I received 2 test that were BFN.....
Still I had some hope I was only 11dpo.
AF came yesterday........kick in the nuts if I had any.

So now I'm CD2 coming from a cycle that was 27 days long (short for me), possibly no ovulation and if I did ovualte it is with an LP of 11 days which just seems bad.....onward we march.

Quacking on,

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Learn Chinese!

Last Thursday was our follow-up appointment with the R.E. 
I would be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous. In fact I was shit-bat crazed with nervousness (that's a phrase right?) but on the plus side I knew that we were finally at the point that we could discuss how to put a baby in me!
I sat down in the chair right across from the Doc and held my breath...
He doesn't get right to what I want to know. Instead he goes through my HSG pictures telling me that no blockage was found and that the tubes look normal. I also get to see a random shot of my uterus surrounded by my hip bones and the tale end of my spine (I looked really skinny in case you were wondering). He proceeds to tell me that my hormone levels are normal and they even tested my FSH reserve which contained normal levels as well. Great!.....and?
Well then he turns to my husband and informs him that he has about 42 million sperm (anything above 20 is normal) with 76% motility (anything above 50% is normal). Great!...and?
Congratulations you have unexplained infertility! come on down....
I never hated the word "normal" so much in my life at this point. So there is nothing wrong with our "special" parts. We have been trying for over a year which means our fertility rate is just going to go down from now on (don't really get that one) so I'm just going to have a really hard time getting pregnant naturally if at all. Great...
I won't lie it took everything in my power to hold in the tears I wanted to shed but I had to go to work right afterwards and I couldn't walk into work looking like someone had just shot my dog.
He recommend IUI (artificial insemination) with Clomid (a drug that induces ovulation). I asked him if he wanted to put me on Clomid now. He said it was not necessary since I ovulate on my own. He then proceeded to explain that Clomid will be used with the IUI because the chances of a sucessful insementation are slightly higher than doing an IUI without it. I wasn't going to argue with the man, he is the doctor afterall.

So my DH and I have discussed the topic of when it will be right for us to actually proceed with technological help. I guess neither one of us though we would end up on this road. Realistically as soon as this cycle is over I could do it but I don't want to. I'm still processing all of this. We decided it would be better in December. In the meantime I can really get my butt into shape so I can get to a pre-baby weight that I'd prefer since I'm overweight as it is now.
I was able to ask our R.E. if the HSG messed with my cycles. He didn't think so...(sigh)
I'm still not a 100% I ovulated this cycle. Today is CD24 and on Research Mode with dotted lines I'm 8dpo. So as you can see Fertility Friend is trying desperately to figure me out. My R.E. sort of disregarded the fact that I was worried about this. He explained this by saying that because I have a regular period each month and that I got a + on OPK's this month that I more than likely ovulated. I couldn't respect his nonchalant attitude about this but I dropped it. I actually read that women with normal cycles will have 10% percent of their cycles as anovulatory in their lifetime. I'm slowing coming to terms with this. I just wish I hadn't chosen this month to do the SMEP (slaps forehead).

Well with the way my day started I didn't expect it to end well but it did. I had a good day at work, enjoyed chit-chatting with my newly pregnant co-worker about how she swears she can see a penis on her sonogram. She is 15 weeks and I'm VERY happy for her. We got engaged a month apart and had our weddings a year later a month apart so we have grown very close. She actually has PCOS so see good things do happen!
What really pulled my day together was my Chinese food. I'm not a big fan of Chinese food but I do crave it when I'm in a sad mood. I decided to open my fortune cookie a few hours later. This is what I saw first.........
I actually had a good laugh for some odd reason... but then I turned it over and I saw this....(below)
I couldn't describe the feeling of relief that washed over me. Sometimes when we are at our lowest I truly believe God finds a way to send us little messages of hope to remind us we are not alone and that he is always with us. After all, with Him everything is possible!


                        Have a blessed week!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Fuck me....

Author's Note: I want to apologize in advance about the possible insensitivity that may come across in my post. Please understand that it is in no way meant. I know their are so many good women out there who have worse infertility problems then I do. I really just needed to release emotions that I rarely get to release.

I cannot begin to explain the amount of fury I'm feeling right now. 
My temperature this morning went down to 96.9 and no ovulation has been detected yet. Yesterday on Research mode Fertility Friend had me with an ovulation day of CD16. It is CD20 and they have been going all over the place that it is impossible to tell even on Research mode!
I want to scream, cry, throw things and have at least 5 margaritas right now.....
I have been temping since March and I always ovulate. I have regular periods with cycles ranging from 28-32 days. Is this really going to be the month I don't ovulate? After all the work WE put in!
I timed everything perfectly....
and there is a chance I might not even ovulate.

I though HSG's were suppose to help women. Now I wish I never have had one. Last months cycle I ovulated soooo late and who knows what the hell is happening this month. 
I guess there is truth to you shouldn't fix what isn't broken.
I think I'm going to try Soy Iso Flaves next cycle. I spent too many years of my life avoiding birth control and any medicines that could potentially alter or hurt my chances of conception one day and for what?
I have nothing to lose....
I have my follow-up appointment tommorow at 10am to discuss the results of all our combined testing. I have a few words for my R.E.
Can't fucking wait...

I would like to leave you all with a quote. Since I am usually the person who sees the sun even through the darkest skies I don't want to leave you with my gloomy, depressing mood (even though the best of us have our days)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Winston Churchill

Monday, August 13, 2012

The what plan? a review of SMEP

I did promise it so here it is......SMEP= Sperm-meets-egg-plan

I came across this term through the TTC message boards and eventually found the actual plan. The link below will take you to a more detailed page on this "miracle" plan.

Now this plan is technically designed for those who have suffered a miscarriage but can also be used for those TTC and want to take a really proactive approach in the conception process. It's basically in a nutshell A LOT of sex because lets face it, only way you can make a baby is with sex (aside from IUI, IVF, etc).
You start on CD8 and have sex every other day. You must also start using OPK's on CD10 because you have to switch up the sex once you get a + OPK. Once you have a nice pretty + OPK then you have to make sure you bed that day and the following 2 days afterward, skip one day and bed one more day afterwards.
See? I told you, it's A LOT of sex.
More power to those who can get it on everyday. I am not one of them and I think those people are insane.

The only problem I really have with this plan is that it can get way out of control and stress you out. I decided to try and commit to this plan for my 14th cycle and here is what I've done so far.
CD 7=sex (yes I know I started early but I was really horny and it was 1am) CD10=Sex, CD12=Sex, CD15= + OPK Yay!!- also sex, (happy I didn't do it on CD14) CD16=Sex, CD17=Sex....Phew!

Today is CD18 and I wasn't planning on getting down however on CD17 I decided to do another OPK and it was +!!!! WTF!!!! Does that mean I have to do it again today and tomorrow? 5 days in a row is too much for both my DH and I.
I do chart my BBT and I really thought that I ovulated on CD16 (I had a temperature rise on CD17) however this morning it did fall a bit so basically everything about today is frustrating me. I did take another OPK and it was negative (thank God!) now I just have to wait to see if Fertility Friend determines that I actually did ovulate.
In the meantime.....must prepare to get hot and heavy for tommorow.....hmm I have an old sexy nurse costume in the attic I can pull out..... ;)

Quaking on,