Last Thursday was our follow-up appointment with the R.E.
I would be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous. In fact I was shit-bat crazed with nervousness (that's a phrase right?) but on the plus side I knew that we were finally at the point that we could discuss how to put a baby in me!
I sat down in the chair right across from the Doc and held my breath...
He doesn't get right to what I want to know. Instead he goes through my HSG pictures telling me that no blockage was found and that the tubes look normal. I also get to see a random shot of my uterus surrounded by my hip bones and the tale end of my spine (I looked really skinny in case you were wondering). He proceeds to tell me that my hormone levels are normal and they even tested my FSH reserve which contained normal levels as well. Great!.....and?
Well then he turns to my husband and informs him that he has about 42 million sperm (anything above 20 is normal) with 76% motility (anything above 50% is normal). Great!...and?
Congratulations you have unexplained infertility! come on down....
I never hated the word "normal" so much in my life at this point. So there is nothing wrong with our "special" parts. We have been trying for over a year which means our fertility rate is just going to go down from now on (don't really get that one) so I'm just going to have a really hard time getting pregnant naturally if at all. Great...
I won't lie it took everything in my power to hold in the tears I wanted to shed but I had to go to work right afterwards and I couldn't walk into work looking like someone had just shot my dog.
He recommend IUI (artificial insemination) with Clomid (a drug that induces ovulation). I asked him if he wanted to put me on Clomid now. He said it was not necessary since I ovulate on my own. He then proceeded to explain that Clomid will be used with the IUI because the chances of a sucessful insementation are slightly higher than doing an IUI without it. I wasn't going to argue with the man, he is the doctor afterall.
So my DH and I have discussed the topic of when it will be right for us to actually proceed with technological help. I guess neither one of us though we would end up on this road. Realistically as soon as this cycle is over I could do it but I don't want to. I'm still processing all of this. We decided it would be better in December. In the meantime I can really get my butt into shape so I can get to a pre-baby weight that I'd prefer since I'm overweight as it is now.
I was able to ask our R.E. if the HSG messed with my cycles. He didn't think so...(sigh)
I'm still not a 100% I ovulated this cycle. Today is CD24 and on Research Mode with dotted lines I'm 8dpo. So as you can see Fertility Friend is trying desperately to figure me out. My R.E. sort of disregarded the fact that I was worried about this. He explained this by saying that because I have a regular period each month and that I got a + on OPK's this month that I more than likely ovulated. I couldn't respect his nonchalant attitude about this but I dropped it. I actually read that women with normal cycles will have 10% percent of their cycles as anovulatory in their lifetime. I'm slowing coming to terms with this. I just wish I hadn't chosen this month to do the SMEP (slaps forehead).
Well with the way my day started I didn't expect it to end well but it did. I had a good day at work, enjoyed chit-chatting with my newly pregnant co-worker about how she swears she can see a penis on her sonogram. She is 15 weeks and I'm VERY happy for her. We got engaged a month apart and had our weddings a year later a month apart so we have grown very close. She actually has PCOS so see good things do happen!
What really pulled my day together was my Chinese food. I'm not a big fan of Chinese food but I do crave it when I'm in a sad mood. I decided to open my fortune cookie a few hours later. This is what I saw first.........
I actually had a good laugh for some odd reason... but then I turned it over and I saw this....(below)
I couldn't describe the feeling of relief that washed over me. Sometimes when we are at our lowest I truly believe God finds a way to send us little messages of hope to remind us we are not alone and that he is always with us. After all, with Him everything is possible!
Have a blessed week!